The reason for trying
by RaePerry
Summary: Wade's inner monologues, regarding his life and the things Zoe Harts makes him do. His POV of a couple of episodes. NEW Chapter, "The reason for making an exception", set while 2x07.
1. The reason for trying

**A/N**: Hi everyone! This is my first story, even though I've been a reader here in fanfiction for a long long time. I guess Hart of Dixie, especially the Zoe-Wade relationship gave me the push to sit and finally write. The story is set while episode 19th of the first season,_ "Destiny and Denial"_, and what really drove Wade to try and make a change in his life. I hope you like it and please review, it's really nerve-racking putting you're work out there!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Hart of Dixie. If I did, episode 4 "In Havoc & Heat" would have been 3 hour shirtless Wade show.

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**The reason for trying**

He had spent the whole night up. Tansy's words still echoing in his mind, he couldn't brush the feeling away. That feeling that he had been carrying with him for quite some time now. Sure, he had worked all his life to build up the image of that strong, free, "don't-care-for-anything" type of guy and he had always felt comfortable in his skin. So what if all the women in town saw him as a rebound man to have a one night stand with after a bad break-up? What if he was the mistake many belles did, the hidden fuck for any proper daddy's girl? He used to laugh it off, hell, he even felt proud about that. But then that had slowly changed. At first he hadn't realized it. He had started to dress more appropriately, made sure he showered every morning before breakfast, that he combed his hair. Still, he would never feel good enough. Not good enough for her.

He should have known better. It was like Tansy had said, right? Girls like her didn't end up with guys like him. She would be the perfect "Mrs. Lyons", "Mrs. Tucker"…. Even "Mrs. Kinsella" he shudder to think. _"Mrs. Jesse Kinsella"_. His conversation with his brother came back to mind. As always, Jesse had caught his bluff. He knew that no matter their fights, Jesse would always be the one to be able to read his mind. Just another thing Mr. War Hero was exceptionally good at. When they were kids he could always tell if Wade had gotten into a fight at school and didn't want to talk about it, or if he lied about not wanting a new football uniform because his father couldn't afford it. And now, huge surprise, he had realized Wade had feelings for Zoe. Well, still he didn't regret having blown up in the forest like that. He remembered the hard words he'd spoken and Zoe's face when she'd listen. Of course he didn't think she was all that, he also believed she was generous, funny, infuriating, annoying and so damn beautiful. It was just that his own pain had brought up the worst of him. He, the small town's looser bartender would never be able to rival the likes of Judson, George or his own brother. At least not in her eyes.

Then what Tansy had said came back to him. How she had been trying to do better, to find her own path, to become something of herself, to be proud of who she was. Well, he was proud of her. For one thing, he was proud of her kicking him out when he had stumble drunk in her door the other night. It took a lot of courage to shake off someone you cared for, as he well damn knew. He remembered what Lavon had said a few weeks ago. How he needed to pull himself together, buy a new shirt, comb his hair if he wanted to get Zoe's attention. But that hadn't been enough. He found himself rethinking every decision he had made and where his life was going. Many people had urged him to make a change, but Wade had been immune to their words. But not when it came to her. That New York Doctor had come in and put his whole life upside down. It seemed to him that nothing he did was never gonna be at her level. He had been trying to get her attention for months, and it hadn't worked. So he made a decision, right there. If he wanted to change his life around he was gonna do it. Damn! He was Wade Kinsella, he was a strong man, he could do it. No more pining around Zoe Hart. If she wanted to be mad at him and hate him, then better of this way. He could deal with that, with her hatred directed at him. It had always been like this. He was used to people having zero expectations when it came to him, to underestimate his every action. It was safer, because then he didn't have to commit to something, or especially, someone. He was afraid his very own heart was not gonna be able to handle another disappointment when it came to Zoe Hart.

* * *

Back at the Rammer Jammer he felt like a new man. He had heard some rumors about Zoe running off with George somewhere but it was as if he was ice-covered and all things related to her just didn't matter. He was determined not to. He picked up his phone and called Tansy. It was strange how much more in contact they were now than when they were together. Still, he would never be able to feel something for her again. If he ever thought he had loved her, he now saw how short his feelings had been compared to … _No_. _Stop it damn it_. He was not gonna think about her. Not gonna think about what he felt. Surely now that George "Golden Boy" Tucker was single again she would run off into his arms. The sooner he got over her and focused on amending his own life, the better.

Once Tansy showed up he told her about his decision. He wanted to make her feel part of his new resolution, being that she had been the one that inspired him. Still, once she left he felt uncertain again, like incomplete. He thought he would feel empowered, proud to be taking a new step in his life and sharing it with someone important for him. The night continue with the normal pace of any Saturday at The Rammer, only he got to close early because everyone was at that stupid musical show. He drove home and all the way couldn't stop thinking about Zoe, in spite his trying not to. He got to the plantation and realized her lights were off. So maybe she had run off with George, after all. Turns out in the solitude of his car, looking at her window felt as if it did matter. He was the opposite of frozen; he was so full of emotions he could explode.

Seeing as he couldn't sleep, he had started drawing up a plan for the new bar in his mind. The perfect location, the staff (he was determined to steel Shelly away), the menu. He could name his lavender drink after the Mayor himself. He knew Lavon would get the irony of a violet, fruity drink named like him. He dozed off and dreamt about the opening night. Everyone laughing, his band playing, drinks coming and going. And there she was. Even though he managed to escape her while awake, his subconscious would always go back there. He woke up and felt as if he understood everything. Although he had been trying to convince himself that the change was for his own sake's, he couldn't lie anymore. She was the reason. She was the drive. What good was it after all, to make something better of himself, to have his own business if he couldn't share it with the person he loved? He got up and took a beer. He knew, even against his own will, that everything he did was for her. And he was going to keep on trying. And trying, and trying. Until he got her or until she managed to break his heart into more little pieces that she already did.

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Well there it is, out for the word (or at least a modest number of readers) to enjoy. I really really love Wade's character, not only for being such a beautiful man, but for his deep feelings. I think is character full of different shades to it, and I was curious as to what had driven him to star making changes. the answer, of course, was pretty clear for me.

Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed it, please just take a moment and tell me if you had (and also if you haven't). Good day y'all!


	2. The reason for making an exception

**Hey! I'm back. Initially this was going to be a one shoot, but I guess it could develop into just inner monologues form Wade's POV. I just thought that the episode with the cookies and the whole "romance" thing was just too damn cute, and so Wade-like. I really hope you enjoy!**

**Oh, I'm also working on my other story "Returning and Second Chances" so I think I'm going to update that one pretty soon too.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Hart of Dixie. Otherwise I would be manufacturing little bracelets that read "WWLBD?" (What Would Lemon Breeland Do?)

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**The reason for making and exception**

He couldn't deny he was having fun. Watching her all flustered by this guy Max's attention and gifts was really entertaining. She couldn't even whisper a "no" at the kid's direction or otherwise the whole town would be on her trail. He might as well have a little fun with it, seeing that she was trapped in a no-way-out situation.

He had to admit the kid had some balls. Back to when he was at high school, he had never professed his attention for any girl like that. Usually just a smile at the hallway or a look after one of his football games and he got whichever girl he fancied that week. He didn't even remember having bought anything for Tansy after they got married. As he recalled, that had caused George to lecture him about not being a good boyfriend. _Husband_, Wade had corrected him. Well, even more so, Golden Boy had said. _Whatever_. He couldn't rival Tucker's expensive and thoughtful gifts for Lemon anyway. George was a guy that had been brought up with his papa sending his mum a dozen roses every week, meanwhile growing up in broken family, gifts where on the lacking side for Wade. His mother had passed away when he was a little boy, so he had no clue what to get to a woman. None of that had mattered, of course, because as he already knew, girls didn't chase after him for cute little presents or thoughtful flowers every morning. He could make breakfast and buy them a drink, but there he drew a line. Apparently, that had always been enough.

He looked up from the bar, saw her smiling with Rose, oblivious to the fact that the whole dance thing was for her. Then she looked at him enquiring and… was that a hopeful grin he saw on her face? Could she….? _No_, he was delusional for sure. She couldn't have thought… If she really thought that was from him then she clearly didn't know him. He would never do something like that, put himself out there like a juvenile boy. She was with him for their lack of romance, right? Why all of the sudden did it felt like he was doing something wrong?

* * *

He didn't understood women. Scratch that. If the female gender on its whole was confusing, then Miss Zoe Hart was a particular standing piece of work. Just two weeks ago she had walked all over their monogamous agreement and chase after George Tucker, and now he was in the examination room for not being romantic? Was this woman's purpose in life solely to drive him crazy? What was he to do? Profess his love to her? A Love he wasn't even sure he felt? And even if he did (Damn it, he didn't like the sound of that, even in his head), was he gonna be the sucker that stood there exposing his feelings alone while her wondering eyes went to Mr. Lawyer every chance she got? No Missy. He was not. He knew his time with her had an expiration date, so why be remembered as the guy with no dignity that went all the way, only to find out he was not corresponded?

He knocked on her door, looking for consolation in the form of her gorgeous little body, like he always did lately, only to find that she was gone. Instantly he felt a wave of remorse and sadness crawling from within him. _Shit_. Did he miss her already? It had only been less than 24 hours since they had last tangled up in his bed sheets and already he was a mess without her.

He went to Lavon's house so as to distract his mind with a quick game of Halo but only to find his friend concentered in what seemed like a scrap book of his and Ruby's pictures back at high school. He sneaked out of the room without being seen, sighting to himself. What had gotten into every man in town? What was the sudden urge to hand their hearts on a silver platter for women to tear them apart?

* * *

Cleaning after some tables back at the Rammer Jammer, his mind traced back to Zoe's date with that boy Max. He had to fight another laugh at the memory of her corsage and uncomfortable manners. Everyone in town had witness their dinner, and even had cheered after them when they had walked out of the bar. He suddenly wondered how Bluebell people would act if they saw the two of them talking in a little corner, enjoying dinner together, acting like a real couple. Kissing under a faint light. _That would give 'em something to talk about for sure_, he thought with smirk. He could even hear already the whispers in the town's square _"What has gotten into that girl's head?" "I'm most certainly not going to see a doctor that needs to be checked herself, for sure" "Wade Kinsella? Are you sure it wasn't George Tucker you saw her with?"._ He cleared his head. That was not going to happen. Ever. Zoe didn't even want to go with him to a Halloween party, she wasn't going to parade around town with the resident screw-up.

He still wanted to do something nice for her. The cute thong…. Well, maybe that was more of a gift for him rather than for her. He had to face that he was at lost when it came to dealing with women like Zoe Hart (if there was anyone else out there as seriously crazy as her), so he had to call for reinforcement.

* * *

Something from his heart. Something from his heart. He guessed he could sing her a song, or fix up the leak in her bathtub. No, this had to be something more special, something that she could actually see he had been working on. But not too much. He didn't want to put himself out there that much, show her just how much power she had over him. But to make her smile like she did… to put that grin on her face and be the reason for it… God, he would give his soul if it was what it took. Maybe that was the problem to begin with.

He was going over some old boxes at his dad's place while his rambling went on, forced to be there until his old man was sleeping off his last hang over. Covered in dust between some old books he found a picture of his momma and him at the age of 5. Just 2 years before she had passed away. He remembered how she would bake him a cake or prepare his favorite hamburgers whenever he was feeling down and everything just clicked in his mind.

He just had to get online to figure out a recipe for those fancy cookies of her because he was sure they weren't in any southern cook books her mum could have ever owned.

* * *

After the mess he had left in Lavon's kitchen and the bickering he was going to get for it, these cookies may better be worth it. He doubted it. No woman could ever be valuable of that much fuss.

He waited until she got home and with a single look he was a devoted man again. She was worthy of it and so much more. So, so much more. So much more than him, than whatever he had to offer. Dating officially be screwed, he was the luckiest man on earth only to be allowed to touch her, to kiss her, to share those stolen moments they had together.

He tried not to make a big deal out of it. He had to. He was terrified she may realize what a wreck she had made out of him, how much she meant for him. He was so afraid of her knowing that with a blink of her eyes, she could destroy his heart into merely dust.

"Is the thought that counts" she said grinning. Could it be…? Did he… Did he actually just put a smile on her face? Because of something he had done?

He waited. He was dying, wishing she would say something, _anything_ to keep him from muttering the words he knew he shouldn't have. _You are worth it. You are everything. I love you._

He was never so glad she had asked him to get naked together. To get back to what they knew, to what felt so familiar for them. That night, while he was making love to her, he was grateful he had stopped himself. Maybe he had made an exception and baked for the first time that day. But he sure wasn't ready to declare his love for the first time.

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**Well, that was it! I watched the episode and kept on feeling like there was a deeper reason to as why Wade didn't went out and act more romantic, other than his bad-boy manners. I just kept on falling more and more in love with him, and that last scene? Seriously?! I think I fainted when I realized he had baked those cookies. **

**I hope you like it, please take a few minutes and tell me what you thought, is really appreciated. **


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